This morning, i laid down for a short nap (after finishing an athletic event), and had a killer dream starring Mistress Katya.

i guess it's that time in the chastity cycle again where i'm going to be having vivid dreams, and this was certainly no exception.

It started out in what seemed to be a backstage hallway in an arena or hotel, i couldn't tell which.  There were many Mistresses lined up there, with their slaves.  Mistress Katya was at the front of the line, looking amazing (as always) in a black latex dress and a pair of killer heels.  She had me dressed head to toe in latex, my catsuit, my new full-face hood, and gloves (which i do not yet actually own a pair of), and i was on Her collar and leash.

A person wearing a headset and holding a clipboard said to Her, "You're on...", and Mistress proceeded to lead me out onto the arena floor.  There were various pieces of bondage equipment there, and the spectator seats were all full.  After putting me into restraints and fastening me to a cross which was set at about a 45 degree angle, then blindfolding me, Mistress unzipped my catsuit part way and placed Her new shock collar around my privates.  i could hear the crowd applauding and cheering Her on as She did so.  The catsuit was zipped back up, and Mistress began to send shocks to the device for Her own enjoyment and that of the crowd.  As the shocks got more intense and my reactions were more and more visible, the crowd really got into it.  They were obviously enjoying watching Mistress Katya tormenting me. 

After what seemed like an eternity, i was released from the cross, but only temporarily.  Mistress had me take off the catsuit (but not the hood), and then She fastened me back to the cross, this time face-down.  She proceeded to pierce the skin on my back about 20 times, each time eliciting applause from the audience when She lifted Her hands away.

After She was done, two other slaves came and took hold of either side of the cross, which was on wheels.  They wheeled it around the arena, so that each section of seats could get a close-up look at the piercings.  Then i was wheeled back to the center of the arena and the other slaves disappeared.

The needles were removed, then Mistress announced, "I'm going to take him through his paces!"

One by one, She started using Her implements of corporal punishment on my back.  First, a flogger.  Then, Her single tails (She has two and wields them expertly).  Then, Her dragon-tail whip.  She isn't going easy on me.  She's laying into me, and it hurts more than any whipping She's ever given me.  i can hear the audience cheering Her on, and i can feel how much She is getting into this and enjoying it. 

Finally, She announces "Six strokes on each side!", and starts on my ass with Her cane - full force.  She's caning me harder than She ever has, and my ass is absolutely on fire.  By the time She is done with the 12 strokes, the crowd is going wild, and i can barely breathe.

"Thank you all very much!" She says to the crowd, and the lights go down.  i am wheeled off the arena floor and back to the backstage area, this time to a holding room.  Mistress unshackles me, and leads me to a sofa where She lays me down on my stomach.

"You did so well, I am so proud of you," She whispers in my ear as She runs Her fingertips over the skin of my battered back and ass.

"Today, I am proud that you wear My mark."

-----

That's where the dream ended.  i'm spent just from the dream.  i can't imagine how something like that would feel in reality, but i know that i'd be exhausted - but - if Mistress ever even desired that level of devotion and sacrifice of me, i would gladly give it to Her without a single second of hesitation.

Two journal entries two days in a row...it's a bit odd after not having written for a while, but this week has been remarkable.

Last night was another night of restlessness and a certain amount of not being able to get to sleep.  It also contained another vivid dream.

In it, i was dressed head to toe in latex (catsuit, hood, and gloves) and collared.  My wrists and ankles had cuffs placed on them, and chains between them locked on so that my hands (or feet) could only be about a foot and a half apart from each other at any point.  For two hours, i was ordered to worship Mistress Katya's feet and legs, then to massage Her, since She was feeling tired and in need of a deep massage.

Once i had finished that task, a chain was attached between my collar and the headboard on the bed, and i was allowed to sleep on the floor.  i am only allowed bread and water.  In the morning, Mistress left to attend to things in Her life, and left me there.  i was unchained from the bed, but i was not allowed to leave the room.  She returned in the evening and proceeded to torment me for an hour or two, followed by another massage.  Then i was chained to the bed again.  This time i was also blindfolded and gagged for the entire night.  Again, in the morning i was unchained from the bed and the blindfold taken off, but the gag remained.  i was allowed to relieve myself in the bathroom, and then i was put in serious bondage on the bed - tied very tightly spread-eagled to the bed.  After being tormented again, Mistress whispered in my ear that She had some things to attend to, but i was to stay put (as if that were a question, She had left me tied spread-eagled there!), She placed the blindfold back on, and left.  After what seemed like an eternity alone and bound, Mistress Katya returned.  i heard pictures being taken of me, and then i felt Mistress lay down on the bed next to my bound body.  After having Her way with me once again, She untied me.  i was ordered to kiss Her feet, then ordered to go home - still dressed head-to-toe in latex.

This dream felt so real, i almost had to check the calendar on my computer to make sure that it hadn't happened.

And i woke up straining against my chastity device worse than ever before.

It's been a while since i've posted.  That doesn't mean that my chastity has ended, or that it's somehow easier - neither of those is true.

This week in particular has become quite a challenge.  Since Monday morning, i've been very sensitive and switched on (at least as much as is possible in the device!).  It's taken a lot of willpower, and caused some loss of sleep due to restlessness.  It's also kept my Mistress in my thoughts pretty constantly. 

It's quite difficult to describe the restlessness that comes from chastity.  i guess it could be described as "fidgety" - like you want to move (think tapping your foot rapidly or something like that).  i know it's not a good description, but it's the best i can think of at the moment.

Anyway, each day this week, i've been "fidgety" at night, and in the mornings i'm straining against the device - quite a way to wake up.  i'm thankful that my device is made of silicone and not of hard plastic.  With the silicone, it's uncomfortable but not what i would describe as painful - whereas i imagine it could be painful in a hard plastic device.

The restlessness and straining have been increasing day by day.  As they do, the desire to be at Mistress' feet serving Her increases too.  It's a place that just feels right.

One last note, there have been dreams as well.  Most of them i don't remember, but last night i had one in which i was kept in Mistress' service (and bondage) for an entire weekend.  My clothes, keys, wallet, and phone were taken away on Friday night, and i was locked into wrist and ankle cuffs, which were attached with chains so that my steps were restricted and i couldn't spread my arms fully.  i was kept that way all weekend (in addition to being dressed in latex the whole time), and was only released very late Sunday night.  It was quite a feeling to be brought into servitude in the darkness of Friday night and not released until the darkness of Sunday night.

Wow.  Mistress instructed me to wear my latex panties and a pair of stockings to work today underneath my regular clothes, and of course, i complied.  There hasn't been a moment all day when the sensations they cause haven't been forefront in my mind.  They both are skin tight and the feeling of them hugging my legs, butt, and everything else is constant stimulation, and as the day goes on, it's bordering on overstimulation - of course, that's wonderful and i thank Mistress even for that!  W/we are supposed to be sessioning tonight and the stimulation added to the anticipation of that leaves me in a state that i can only hope is not visibly noticeable to those here in the office!

It's after 3am, and i'm still awake. i had a wonderful conversation with Mistress yesterday. She really is amazing in every respect and i love having Her in my life. W/we agreed to meet this coming Tuesday, and She ordered my to wear my new latex underwear every day until then. Of course i'm obeying, and the fact that i LOVE the sensation of latex is making it easy to do so. Tonight, i attended a party at a friend's house, with a pair of my latex underwear and a pair or sheer black thigh-high stockings underneath my clothes. Now, laying here in bed, i have added a latex shirt that i bought at the same time as the underwear. It's such an amazing feeling, and of course, it has two major effects: first, the physical sensations of the latex and atockings are a huge turn-on, and second, it keeps Mistress Katya on my mind every second (which is a further turn-on). i can hardly wait to be at Mistress' feet again and feel the overwhelming rush of sensations and emotions that being in Her power brings. Being Her slave, being Her property, and submitting to Her every desire and whim is truly my proper place and function. i never thought i'd meet the Mistress who could make me really feel that and know that with all my being, but i have. i am Mistress Katya's. She owns me, and i am Her true property. It feels more right than anything i've ever known.

Two-parter

Tonight's post comes in two parts. The first part will be what's been going on over the last few days, and the second part will be an open letter to Mistress Katya.

The last week or so has been pretty interesting. i'm finally beginning to get used to the freedom that Mistress has allowed me the last few weeks...just in time for Mistress to take it away, which She has told me She is going to.

Things really started to get interesting on Friday night. After spending Christmas Eve with my family, i went to bed relatively early, at which point i promptly began to have a rather intense dream starring Mistress Katya, Her new Louboutin heels, and Her whips. It was vivid, intense, and marvelous!

The next day, i spent Christmas Day with my girlfriend's family. After which i went to bed at my regular time, and once again promptly had another dream starring Mistress Katya. This one was even more vivid, also involved Her new heels and me worshipping them.

Tonight, i was spending time with my girlfriend. She started playing with my nipples, and as wonderful as it was, i was wishing that my hands were bound behind my back, a ball gag in my mouth, and it was Mistress Katya who had me laying on my side and was playing with my most sensitive areas.

So, i suppose one could say that i have had Mistress on my mind a lot these past few days.

And now, part 2: the open letter to Mistress Katya.

My dearest Mistress Katya,

i hope that You know just how unique, special, and wonderful You are. You have come to mean a great deal to me - more than i ever would have thought possible. i love having You in my life. i love being Yours. i love everything about being Your slave and being owned by You, and i am more grateful than i can properly express for all of that.

You are something truly unique in the world. You are not the "stern, rigid, bitch" Dominatrix. You are strong, one of the strongest people i've ever known, but "stern" is not the word i would use for You. You know what You want, and You are strong and forceful, which is powerful. So powerful it is actually palpable when i am with You.

Your power and control are mesmerizing. You wield them with caring and nuance. You don't need to shout it. You don't even need to speak it. Without a word, it is obvious who is in control, who is the owner, who is to be obeyed. i never needed to be told that i was Yours, never needed to be told that You owned me. i never needed to be told to obey You, to worship You, or to adore You. All of those things are obvious and come naturally from Your innate power, beauty, and control.

i couldn't be happier than i am being Yours...and i am Yours, in every way. You command me with every glance, every whisper, and every touch. i am Yours, i obey You, and i worship You, even when W/we are apart. i will be Yours, forever if You wish.

i love having You in my life and i love that You have chosen to have me in Yours.

i know that "thank You" doesn't even begin to show how grateful i am for You, but here it is: thank You so much, for everthing You do and for everything You are.

A warning - this post may ramble on, or be off-topic. i just needed to let some thoughts and feelings out, and there's no one right now that can do that for me, so here i am.

More and more i have questions about myself. Am i a good person? Am i a good friend? Do i live up to the standards that i expect others to? More and more i don't know the answers t these questions.

Nothing i do seems to go particularly well. At least in the personal relationships realm. i don't know.

Well, it was good just to be able to let it out, even a little.