i'm not sure what to make of today and the last 12 hours.  i didn't sleep well last night.  i had disturbing dreams, which made for a very fitful night.  i probably should have written earlier this morning, because now the contents of the dreams are gone, but i know they were disturbing and not pleasant.  i haven't had a night like that in quite some time.

Rehearsal last night was torment again.  The first actress i had mentioned in this journal was there again, and we talked quite a bit.  Once again, she was wearing a skirt, stockings, and spike heels.  The way she dresses (it's always classy, not trashy), the way she talks, and her personality are huge turn-ons for me.  Being in stockings, panties, and the chastity device only add to my excitement, so when i'm sitting next to her talking with her, it's a good thing i'm in the device, otherwise i'd have a very embarrassing moment when i had to stand up to do my scenes!

This morning, i reached a milestone.  i got my courage up, and attempted to insert the largest of the butt plugs that Mistress Katya had given me to train with.  With much patience, taking it easy, and my mind in control, willing my muscles to relax, i was able to insert it fully!  There was a bit of pain when the widest part was going in, but it wasn't too bad, and i was able to breathe through it, and then the plug narrows after that.  i was really hoping i would be able to do it today, because i know that Mistress wants me to be more ready for Her when She wants to use Her strap-on.  i want so badly to give Her everything She wants, and be a slave that is everything She wants a slave to be.