OK, so i promised that i would try to write today about last night.  It's had a chance to settle in my brain, and i can at least form coherent sentences about it now.

Mistress was so beautiful in Her latex dress and Her new thigh-high boots, which are so soft and smell so good.  She announced a few things - that i was to have a release, but that i was going to have to work for it.  After a while, She took my chin and lifted it up to make me look into Her eyes.  Then She told me that my release wasn't going to be the normal way.  She was going to take me with Her strap-on and the release would come from it hitting my prostate.  i must admit, this made me apprehensive, as i have never had that done to me before, but of course, i trust Mistress implicitly and will do anything for Her.  On top of that, the intoxicating scents of Her boots and Her hair had my flying.

After a while of sitting at Her feet and kissing Her boots, Mistress Katya used one of Her whips on my backside.  i'm not sure what the name for this kind of whip is, but it was fairly painful.  i never thought i'd get to this point, but i'm beginning to want Mistress' corporal.

After that, Mistress had me suck the strap-on as She sat in a chair.  i wasn't very good at it, but i hope that my efforts pleased Her.

Once She was finished with that, Mistress told me that She was going to give me an enema to clean me out before using the strap-on.  It was a very interesting experience - i'd never had an enema before.

As it turns out, i'm too tight at the moment for Mistress to take me with Her strap-on without causing me a great deal of pain.  i was disappointed in myself that i couldn't take it for Her, and i know She was disappointed.  Mistress then used Her fingers, but She was unable to reach my prostate.  It was quite humiliating to have these things done to me, but at the same time it was exciting because it was just a deeper proof that Mistress owns me, body, mind, and soul.

Since release through prostate massage was not possible, Mistress said She was going to take the chastity device off and i was to release through masturbation - but it was NOT going to be pleasurable.  i actually asked Her to deny me, as i did not deserve a release.

Mistress Katya looked me in the eye and laughed.  She said very softly that giving me a release wasn't being nice - a release would mean starting all over again, and the dreams and intense feelings would rush back - so really, granting a release was making things MORE difficult for me in the long run - and that was what She wanted.

i hadn't asked Mistress to deny me in an effort to make things easier, i had thought that it might please Her for me to go longer.  i need to remind myself that Mistress knows what is best and that i shouldn't try to anticipate or guess what might make Her happy - She will tell me what She wants from me.  i think that may have been the biggest lesson i learned last night.

Mistress took off the device, and had me kneel and masturbate.  i did release, and of course, Mistress was right - it wasn't pleasurable.  It sent a chill down my spine when Mistress laughed at my release and the realization that i hadn't had any pleasure out of it.  She must have known that at that moment, it became full reality that i can now only derive sexual pleasure if She allows it.  The reality of that certainly hit me like a ton of bricks - and it was a wonderful realization!  i always thought and said that i wanted to really be in the control of a Mistress and not just having sessions that went along the lines of my desires - and now i really am under Mistress Katya's complete control - and it's more amazing and wonderful to me than i could have imagined.  i know it's the place i've been looking for for so long, and i am humbled and grateful to Mistress Katya for knowing exactly what i needed, and being graceful and generous enough to guide me there. 

Thank You, Mistress Katya.  Thank You for taking me on such a journey of self-discovery, and teaching and showing me what i've always needed.