Whimper

It didn't get any better.  i wasn't able to get Mistress out of my mind or to stop the arousal before having to leave for rehearsal last night.  And then it got worse.  The actress i have formerly mentioned in older posts was in attendance again, and this time it was as if she were intentionally trying to drive me crazy.  She was wearing what must have been 5" spike heels, skin-tight black leggings, and a minidress that barely came down below her behind.  As we sat next to each other and talked, my cock was raging in its silicone prison.  It doesn't help that she is a redhead (dyed, but still), and that, of course, reminds me of Mistress Katya.  So it's a double-whammy, mentally.  i haven't slept well the last 2 nights because of the constant arousal either.  i should clarify some.  It's not constant, 24 hours a day, every single minute.  There are times when the arousal goes away for a few minutes - and when i say a few minutes, that's exactly what i mean - maybe 5 or 10 minutes, and then it's back.  i'm on edge all the waking day, and i toss and turn in bed at night.  Especially at night, when one of the 5 or 10 minute breaks comes, i think "oh, thank God, it's over..." and then it comes back, and i'm reduced to whimpering, wondering how long this torment will last.  Today's the second day, and it's bad.  Really bad.  But you know what the worst (and most messed-up) part of it is?

i want it.  i crave it.  i LOVE being in Mistress' control and being tormented like this, even when i am not physically in Her presence.  i adore Her and the torture i am going through at Her pleasure.  i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

But - i'm also approaching a breaking point - and i may beg Mistress for release soon.  If this doesn't stop on its own in the next day or so, i'll be a useless, whimpering, quivering mass of jelly.  What scares me to the core and sends chills down my spine, though, is the knowledge that, despite it all, i would (and will) endure it as long as Mistress Katya wants me to.  i could not bear the thought of disappointing Her, and if it is Her desire to see me suffering, even to the extreme, i would have no choice but to continue to offer Her the gift of my torment.

That's my dilemna.