It's starting again.  The buildup, the cravings, the longing to be at Mistress Katya's feet.  i was OK most of the day but just now, laying on my bed, a wave of it all came over me.  Mistress said that when i have these things happen i should write here, and so i am.

i find myself dreaming (daydreaming and at night) about the next time i am at Her feet, being controlled by Her, serving Her, being disciplined by Her.  Even the thought of it is mesmerizing.  Of course, those thoughts trigger other feelings and sensations in me, which are frustrated by my being locked in chastity.  i have to admit, Mistress Katya really knew what She was doing when She agreed to lock me in.  She knew i would need it...She knew i needed the control and discipline...She knew i needed to be kept from indulging my own weakness.  How She knew, i have no idea, but She knew then and She knows now.  i have to admit, it's a little mind-boggling how well She knows me, at times even better than i know myself.  But that's what makes Her so amazing to serve, so amazing to be owned by.  That's what makes Her intoxicating.  That's what makes Her so far beyond anyone i've ever met that sometimes it's hard to believe She's not super-human.

i have to stop this, i'm working myself up into a frenzy.  i think it's time for some deep meditation, hopefully i can use it like i used it the last time to get my mind and my body under control.  i'll update when i can, and document the outcome of tonight - whether i'm able to get myself under control, or whether i begin to go down the spiral into torment again.