It's been a few days since my last post.  The weekend was torment.  On Thursday, i was told by Mistress Katya that we would be meeting Sunday night.  That made it very impossible for me to think of anything else.  This last week has been more intense than i could have imagined at the beginning of my training.  i know it pleases Mistress for me to be in such torment, though, and knowing it pleases Her is pretty much the only thing that is keeping me sane at this point.  i haven't slept well since last Sunday - i've gotten a few hours a night, but there's been a lot of tossing and turning and the chastity device has been severely pressure-tested (it passed the tests with flying colors and kept me in torment).

i've become very emotional over the last week too.  my devotion to Mistress Katya has skyrocketed, and so has my desire to be at Her feet.  i really had no idea back in June when we reconnected that things would go so far so fast and that it would be this intense.  It's like nothing else i've ever experienced, and it's magnificent.  She is magnificent.  Every day i think "i couldn't possibly be more devoted to Her than i am", and the next day i look back and my devotion has grown.

To get back to the narrative, on Sunday late afternoon, Mistress sent me a text message saying that She was going to make me suffer a little more and that She was postponing until Monday night.  This set off a  wave of panic in me that possibly i had displeased Her, and also a lot of pent-up longing for Her that honestly made me tear up and one of the tears did roll down my cheek.  Her hold on me is so powerful that i can be brought to tears via remote control ;)

After much pleading and back-and-forth emails, it was decided that i would be allowed to meet Mistress late Monday night.  i said some very emotional things in my emails, and i hope they came across well.  i'm going to try to express my feelings in person, but i fear i may be too overwhelmed with emotion and become tongue-tied.  Nevertheless, i'm going to try.  Mistress Katya deserves to hear these things said out loud, and not just read them in an email.  She has come to mean so much to me, and i want Her to always know how appreciated, valued, and wonderful She is.

Mistress has been constantly in the forefront of my mind the last few days, without break.  Everything reminds me of Her, even things that have no connection to Her.  She is the ultimate power in my life, and i could not be happier than i am in Her complete and utter control.  She is what i have been searching for for so long...i was searching and i didn't even know what it was i was searching for.  i revel in my torments because i know that me tormented pleases Her, and that's all i need to know.