i have failed. Things got so bad this afternoon that i couldn't even adjust my sitting position in my chair without it causing a sensation that shot right up my spine. Imagine that every 2 minutes. i broke down and called my Mistress to beg.
Mistress Katya was merciful, and agreed to see me tomorrow. But i think She may also be disappointed in me. God, i hope not. Each day She means more and more to me, and it would kill me to disappoint Her. Even now i am ashamed that i wasn't stronger and i begged Her. i don't deserve Mistress. i will plead with Her tomorrow to forgive me for not being strong enough, and i will pray that She will have mercy on me. i can already feel a bit of depression setting in for breaking down. It's going to be a long night, and i already feel like a heel.
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